Blog War 2011 is in effect! Mark lost his job, will his failed attempt to drink Tims cum VIA his Albanian princess affect him in this world of war?
Francis, is the darkhorse in my opinion. With Mark giving him ample ammunition, there's no doubt he may win.
But for my money, and there's really not enough left, I'm going with big Kev. A veteran of blogging, he's been doing this for a long time. We all remember the drive-by that forced Sarah to keep her husband at home in Lisle. Kevinman was first on the scene.
Good luck boys!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
1st on the scene at the Blagojevich's compound
Yours truly was the first on the scene to break the news of former Governor and current convicted felon, Rod Blagojevich's indictment! Apparently the jury of mostly women, diliberated long and hard for what seemed like eternity to find Mr. Blagojevich guilty of 17 count of extortion, soliciting bribes, andconspiracy to solicit and accept bribes. So here I was on the corner of Richmond and Sunnyside to bring you the finest amatuer reporting since my colleague and second class field reporter Kevin Brusek told us that he will be attending the Pearl Jam concert for an unprecedented 22 consecutive year.
I myself thought it would be important to bring you news from the people who will be affected most. Rod's live-in nanny and maid imported all the way from Ecuador, Consuela and Esmarelda Ecchevaria-Lopez. As you can see here, along with their children, Tatiana, Miguel, Serafina and...Miguelito, the look of worry is overwhelming. The thought of one possibily being returned to a life of making Nike's and sandals out of old tires brought a tear to even this grizzled veteran of news blogging.
Celebrity Getting an Ass Raping!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
don't remember how to do this but here goes...
So I've been away from my blog for a while and as some of you may be thinking, writers block right...wrong. Lack of material. I have to have the lamest friends ever. Take for instance Aditra's husbands birthday party. As usual, the star of the bash was the the double fish filets eating Aditra! Who's her husband you ask? It doesn't matter. She could care less, so why should we. Anyhoot, it was a drunk fest as usual. Only good things can come out of 15 hour drinking purges. These people drink like there's no tomorrow! Which is good cause they don't do much else good. I mean the only talent we have is a guy with one name and two alter egos! On the bright side, I met Aditra's husbands sister. She's fucked! You would be too if you had one brother that was a mime ( husband ) and another you wish was ( Featherbottom ).
Oh well, apparently their are still tickets available to see Pearl Jam. Really? Are they opening for Sponge this year at Mahoney's? If your interested in going, my blog hero, Kevinman will be in the lawn on Saturday and in a seat on Sunday. He usually has the best Mary Jane if you know what I mean and loves to share with complete stangers! And a great conversationalist. He can tell you about the 112 times he's seen Pearl Jam. If you need his info I would be more than happy to pass it along.
And finally..."Macho M"..."Macho Man"...I'm sorry, I get so emotional about these things. "Macho Man" Randy Savage passed away of a heart attack while driving. Snapped into slim Jim's tree I hear. Well I'm sure he's in heaven having a rematch with "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. And I can hear Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan calling the match. And Miss Elizabeth is wearing just a thong. No wait, boyshorts and pasties. Ya, boyshorts and a boa with pasties underneath the boa. And a crown. Like you see at the Jon Bonet Ramsey memorial pageant. Ooh Yeah!!!!!!!!
Oh well, apparently their are still tickets available to see Pearl Jam. Really? Are they opening for Sponge this year at Mahoney's? If your interested in going, my blog hero, Kevinman will be in the lawn on Saturday and in a seat on Sunday. He usually has the best Mary Jane if you know what I mean and loves to share with complete stangers! And a great conversationalist. He can tell you about the 112 times he's seen Pearl Jam. If you need his info I would be more than happy to pass it along.
And finally..."Macho M"..."Macho Man"...I'm sorry, I get so emotional about these things. "Macho Man" Randy Savage passed away of a heart attack while driving. Snapped into slim Jim's tree I hear. Well I'm sure he's in heaven having a rematch with "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. And I can hear Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan calling the match. And Miss Elizabeth is wearing just a thong. No wait, boyshorts and pasties. Ya, boyshorts and a boa with pasties underneath the boa. And a crown. Like you see at the Jon Bonet Ramsey memorial pageant. Ooh Yeah!!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
the new real terror!
Hey guys, long time no speak. Sorry about that, I've been busy with that whole unemployment thing. But not busy enough to tell you about a new terror bigger than ObMbAbL. Yes sir, Osama bin Mohhamed bin Awad bin Laden. And that's this guy, yes, The Iron Sheik!
The sheer mentioning of his name makes me forget that we were even looking for ObMbAbL!
On the great day for all Mexicans, the 5th of May ( for all you uneducated people out there, its when the French decided to make the Mexican sandwich with a croissant and Mexican were like, uh-uh, hold up, wait a minuto ). I ran into 1 of the Sheiks 9 daughters. Apparently my friend Francis ran into her while doing foreclosures in Tehran. Not a real looker, at least from the waste up! But don't let her tell you that. According to her, she dance like a snake. With it's head cut off! And I thought with all that dancing inability, she would have wooden
feet? Isn't that what they do to women who dance in Iran?
And also, let it be known, that he has formed a partnership with the evil empire of the U.S.S.R...with the sort of evil empire of the R. There number 1 assasin Nikolai Volkov!
Fear not America, I think I know who can save us from this gruesome twosome!
The sheer mentioning of his name makes me forget that we were even looking for ObMbAbL!
On the great day for all Mexicans, the 5th of May ( for all you uneducated people out there, its when the French decided to make the Mexican sandwich with a croissant and Mexican were like, uh-uh, hold up, wait a minuto ). I ran into 1 of the Sheiks 9 daughters. Apparently my friend Francis ran into her while doing foreclosures in Tehran. Not a real looker, at least from the waste up! But don't let her tell you that. According to her, she dance like a snake. With it's head cut off! And I thought with all that dancing inability, she would have wooden
feet? Isn't that what they do to women who dance in Iran?
And also, let it be known, that he has formed a partnership with the evil empire of the U.S.S.R...with the sort of evil empire of the R. There number 1 assasin Nikolai Volkov!
Fear not America, I think I know who can save us from this gruesome twosome!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Big, big, news.
So while drinking my very expensive pint of Guinness, I happen to overhear a very dangerous challenge put out by the fabulous Brusek boys. Apparently, Kevin is betting that he can sail the rough waters of Lake Michigan ( Montrose Harbor to the Michigan border on a man made raft no doubt ) for get this, $100,000.YES! $100,000 big ones. I don't know if Kevin is in over his head but I do know one thing, he will not back down from any challenge.
Just yesterday, I heard about his 1 on 5 donnybrook altercation with some thugs know as the Ramones, just to save the worthless life of Jimmy Bulosan! Or the time he assuaged Scott Lucas ( of Local H fame ) after he had to open for the pedophiliac band from Detroit, Sponge.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Brooke's 30th Birthday extravaganza at The Red Canary
On to the host Jim. Can this guy pick a hot spot or what? No really, it was so hot, he made every one of Brooke's friends that much more unattractive. I couldn't tell if I was at a lounge or slaughter house. My friend and hairstylist to the stars, Flea ( Sho Studio, 357 w. Chicago Ave, 312 867 7461), couldn't hold down her caviar and shooter oyster topped dragon sushi or Perrier Jouet Cristal Brut 1990 "Methuselah"! She said it reminded her of all those burn victims she witnessed when Lockport High School burned in 1988. Never the less, Jim did a great job. Of not buying anyone a drink! Cheap fuck! Hope that chandelier your looking into buy one day falls on your neck and leaves you just short of Christopher Reeves you Superasshole! Speaking of people falling off horses, was that Howl at the Moon we were at last night cause that place was for the dogs.
On to the the vivacious Brooke. Man, what a woman. God created woman and he must have had a huge erection after making you! As you can see from the picture above, a perfect 10. Every time you see her you just want to give her a big hug. It helps that she's stacked in the boobage area and has an ass sweeter than Yoohoo. I'm happy to say that after 3 hugs, i may be diabetic.
In conclusion, a marvelous job Jim! Next year, we should probably have her birthday party at a petting zoo. Brooke's friends will be comfortable and fed lots of corn and hay.
Monday, April 11, 2011
WNBA Draft
well it's that time of the year once again. yes sir, the NBA Draft! Women's NBA Draft. it's no surprise Maya Moore of UConn was the #1 pick. way to go Minnesota Lynx. as for the local flavor, the Chicago Sky took Courtney Vandersloot. I once dated a Vandersloot, I'm sure she'll be good with the low post, with her head around the rim and in the back of a Cadillac. in the 2nd round they took Angie Bjorklund. i hope she hoops better than she sings or dresses. finally they took Amy Jaeschke in the 3rd. Who? i would have taken Sara Krnjic but that's just an unemployed persons opinion. June 10 can't come soon enough!
Draft Order
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